Child's Horoscope

I. INTRODUCTION

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

II. THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TYPE

Fairy tales can come true

Billie is one of life's true romantics, although in nascent form. One of the great strengths of her nature is a deep and innate connection to the inner world of fantasy and imagination - and this openness to the realm of myths, images and intuitions reflects a potential for considerable creative gifts. As she grows older her rich imaginative gift may express itself through a passionate interest in those hobbies and school subjects which leave lots of room for potentials and possibilities - art, history, geography, languages - and through a tendency to ignore or hurry through subjects and occupations which leave no room for the imagination to play. Routines of any kind, school or domestic, may provoke procrastination or rebellion if there is no "end result" which constitutes a future potential. With such a fertile imaginative nature, Billie may display a great impatience toward material limits which force her to focus on the present - even the basic limits of her own body and the everyday routines of hygiene, healthy eating and sufficient sleep. "Junk" food and late night television may prove irresistibly attractive simply because she ignores her body's messages. Billie needs physical security and stability a great deal, perhaps more than many other children - but because her strengths lie on the imaginative and intuitive side, she may not always be inclined to do those everyday chores necessary to ensure an orderly and structured material environment. Consequently you may find that, as she grows, she displays a certain carelessness or even messiness in her relationship to objects and possessions. Absent-mindedness over domestic responsibilities and school tasks may also be displayed as she gets older and moves out into the world - although she may secretly hope for the prize without the effort. All this reflects not callousness or selfishness, but rather, Billie's deep need to remain in touch with a romantic and vital inner world. The material reality which occupies so many people's time and energy will probably always seem less important than the brighter and more meaningful experiences she intuitively senses life could and should be about.

The dramatic element in Billie's personality, although not necessarily overtly flamboyant, may make her tend to dramatise herself in one way or another - as though she were the star performer in a hit play. Her innate theatricality may manifest through competitiveness and subtle or obvious bids to become the centre of attention at home and at school. She is also capable of quite an exaggerated display of irritability or impatience when she encounters something that frustrates her will. Billie has a powerful will to match her inner need for magic and drama, and this will inevitably result in quite a few thunderstorms as she gradually comes to terms with the limits and boundaries of other people and the demands of the outer world. Her highly developed intuitive faculty allows her to quickly "sniff out" people, situations and problems and arrive at highly individual solutions in an almost magical way. This intuitive gift - which is defined in depth psychology as perception via the unconscious rather than through logic and the senses - will probably be a great boon to Billie as she grows older and finds hobbies and fields of interest in which she can become passionately involved. It may also prove to be somewhat disconcerting to those around her, because this almost uncanny ability to see through situations makes it hard to fool her when it comes to what is really going on between members of the family. Billie may sometimes seem an absent- minded or even self-centred child when it comes to the material environment. But she misses little about other people, and can be best helped and supported in her journey into life through a willingness on the part of parents to be open and honest about any conflicts or problems in the family. Another extremely positive quality in her colourful and individualistic nature is her innate sense of honour, for this reflects her identification with the values of the fairy-tale world. Princes are noble and princesses gracious, and Billie will try to be both. This deep sense of honour makes her respond positively to others' efforts at honesty and openness. Emotional double messages, hypocrisy, or deception, however, will arouse great anxiety in her, because she will perceive the truth beneath the surface but become confused and bewildered if she is told something else.

Kicking against the ordinary world

Throughout childhood, Billie is likely to exhibit a certain restlessness and a low boredom threshold. This is due to the vivid activity of her imagination, which is focussed on future potentials rather than present actualities. In infancy this will probably be expressed through great impatience and a "butterfly" concentration which is perpetually moving from one thing to another. In later childhood, it may cause her to enthusiastically take up projects and tasks and then drop them before they are finished. She may do the same with friends as well, because once the possibilities of a person or situation have been exhausted, Billie's endlessly fertile imagination has already moved on to the next set of possibilities. It will be important to help her to learn the value of patience and self-discipline (although helping her to learn does not mean nagging or bludgeoning), for she will perpetually kick against those rules of life which require a respect for the passage of time. Helping her to learn respect for the boundaries of external life (such as the responsible use of money and the disciplines of school work) will only be really effective if parents and family members can lighten their own attitudes toward the mundane world, and can avoid making the child feel responsible or guilty for their past hardships or struggles. Billie may try hard to persuade those around her that she is too special to be bothered with the ordinary world, and because there is such innate vitality and magnetism in her it might be very easy for an adoring parent to "spoil" her. Equally, she may anger a hard-working parent with an earthier outlook. But this kind of polarisation, which Billie could easily provoke within the family, is unhelpful and unnecessary. Attempting to crush her vivid inner world would only result in great unhappiness and rebelliousness, or a tendency to produce those attention-seeking psychosomatic symptoms which many children display when they are secretly frustrated and stifled. Billie needs a healthy balance - encouragement of her imaginative gifts combined with the understanding that these gifts can be best developed if some respect is given to the demands of material reality. Nagging and emotional blackmail are a bad diet for this child, who is essentially decent, noble and generous at heart. Honesty and an appreciation of her rich inner world will bring the very best out of her. Billie is a very special child, and in one sense her self-dramatising tendencies appropriately reflect that specialness. If she can also be gently urged to accept her ordinariness as well, she will be able to develop into a creative, strong and positive personality.

An imaginative and lively mind

Billie possesses a clear and nimble mind along with her fine imaginative gifts, and this blend will give her a quality of endless enthusiasm and curiosity about life and its possibilities throughout her growing years. At school she may quickly show sharp intelligence and a genuine interest in school subjects, as well as a strong desire to learn about people and the world which reflects an already expansive and broad-minded outlook. Billie's imaginative gifts are greatly enhanced by an innate ability to articulate and communicate them to others. This is a child who is likely to have "Why?" on her lips constantly, and parents and family need to be ready to respond to such vivid curiosity about life with a willingness to provide the necessary stimuli for learning. Even if there has been no particular emphasis on learning and education in the family, Billie may need extra provision on this level to make the best use of her developing gifts. Even more importantly, she needs to be able to talk - about ideas, feelings, problems, anything that captures her interest and attention. Nothing is so hurtful to this child as a silent, narrow, noncommunicative environment where no one can be bothered to listen or converse.

Because of her innate bias toward the world of ideas, Billie may sometimes display an attitude of lofty disinterest toward the physical world and its limits and requirements. The excellent potentials of her intellect and imagination may also serve as a favourite defence against feelings and emotions which are uncomfortable for her to handle. Billie is likely to develop into a child who needs a reason for everything - and sometimes this reasoning process, although admirable and reflecting a deep ethical core in her personality, may make it hard for her to express her emotional needs to others because they seem too "selfish" or "demanding". Therefore Billie's love of reason could sometimes involve a suppression of feelings. On the "plus" side, as she gets older, parents and family members can appeal to her innate decency and sense of fairness to help her understand the value of patience and discipline - and this would be a far more effective way of supporting her efforts to cope with material reality than emotional manipulation or an authoritarian approach. But as she develops, sometimes it may be vitally important to encourage her to talk about what she really feels - especially those unhappy, angry, needy or lonely feelings which she is likely to hide even from herself. Her fair and essentially civilised nature should never be exploited or taken for granted. Sometimes Billie may appear to somehow need less than other children in the way of emotional support and reassurance, because she has an independent spirit, thinks problems through, and can always find ways of amusing herself. But in reality she has very deep needs for physical affection, material stability and emotional security, which she may not always be able to articulate or understand. With help and support in these areas, she will have a firm foundation from which to fly into those abstract and imaginative realms which are one of the greatest gifts of her personality.

III. THE CHARACTERS IN THE STORY

Everybody's friend

Billie genuinely likes people. Because she responds to others in an open, sunny and friendly way, others will in turn respond to her with warmth and affection. But this natural affinity with others is more than a simple need to be close to family and friends. It also reflects the nascent sense of a greater human family. She has an instinctive tolerance and fairness which, as she grows older, will reveal itself in all her dealings with the wider world. She will champion the school "scapegoat", protest vehemently against anything she feels to be unfair, and insist on equality within the family - even at her own expense. For Billie is also a thinking individual, whose awareness extends beyond her immediate emotional and physical needs and whose questioning mind makes her sensitive to the reality and importance of other people and the necessary ethics by which people can get on together. It may sometimes even prove difficult to get her to recognise that her own needs are important too, and that it is perfectly healthy to be selfish.

Billie has an inherent idealism which gives her an instinctive sense of right and wrong and a strong need to live up to standards which - even if parents have not set them - are sometimes extremely high. A child with an innate code of ethics is unusual, and many adults never get as far as developing real ethics in the whole of a lifetime. Yet Billie is gifted with vision and ideals, perhaps still largely unformed yet nevertheless deep-rooted and real. She is not well able to cope with the favouritism, power battling and emotional manipulation which occurs in so many families, for she has no talent for such games. Perhaps she sees a little too much too clearly for one so young, and she has a fine nose for the smell of others' hypocrisy. This may make her sometimes seem withdrawn and unresponsive. Yet she can also passionately stand up to those in authority, even at the risk of personal punishment, if that authority - whether parent, teacher or stranger - threatens to hurt any person or animal whom Billie perceives as being unfairly treated. She has an inner decency and clarity which, if it is not forcibly suppressed or deeply injured by the manipulations of others, will shine out to light the way wherever she goes.

A child with vision

Most children are sensitive to the feelings of family members. But Billie is aware of people far beyond her immediate environment, and even from a very early age will display a lively interest in the comings and goings of others - parents' friends, neighbours, the postman, the lady at the shop - and a genuinely warm and inquisitive response to them. In fact, so involved is she with the world around her that parents or family members may sometimes feel slightly miffed because she shows as much affection and interest toward strangers as toward them. A possessive or overprotective parent may have difficulty in understanding Billie, for she may not display the desired dependency on home and family. As she develops, she may reveal a strangely detached quality, and the sort of small issues which arouse strong emotional reactions in other children may simply pass Billie by. Yet at other times she may display intense upset or anxiety in the face of unspoken undercurrents in the atmosphere which even the adults around her are unaware of. As Billie moves through the stages of childhood and enters the wider world of school, her precociously objective approach to life and people may prove a great asset to her, allowing her to formulate concepts and structure her ideas in ways which many other children of her age would find impossible. Her peer group at school is likely to become more and more important to her as she grows older, for at the core of her nature is a strong feeling of identity with a larger whole and a deep sense of connectedness with other human beings.

Rebel with a cause

Despite the openness and friendliness of her nature, Billie also has a quality of stubbornness and intractability which will probably show itself whenever any effort is made to get her to recognise rules and structures. Although she can sometimes be delightfully pleasant and accommodating, there are times when a real spirit of perversity seems to take over. Contrariness then abruptly replaces her normally sunny and agreeable personality. Because she has an unusual degree of detachment, far beyond that of most children, she will tend to think through rules to see whether they are fair and logical. She is therefore likely to display a bad reaction to limits which have been imposed for the greater glory and power of parents or teachers rather than for the benefit of the child or the group. This is not blind rebellion, but a deliberate repudiation of what she perceives as false authority. The harder she is pushed, the more stubborn she is likely to become. But if parents can recognise Billie's profound need for fairness and reason (even if she is too young to "reason" in the conventional adult sense), they will be able to help her to recognise the value of rules without triggering that perverse spirit which says, "Even though you are an adult, by what right do you demand that I become what you want?"

The element of rebelliousness in Billie may sometimes cause problems within the family and at school if she collides with a more rigid or traditional outlook on how children should behave. Since questioning is as natural as breathing to her, she is likely to want to know why things must be done this way or that. If no reasonable answer is forthcoming then she may put the authority to the test by challenging it. Perceptive teachers will recognise that Billie, highly intelligent and mentally inquisitive, may need a more unconventional approach to learning, and may baulk at lists of facts which have no connection with any greater pattern in life. Hopefully, parents too will understand that Billie is not an innately difficult or obstructive child, but needs to understand the nature of the world around her. Clear explanations, however tiresome to the parent, are essential in helping her to form a coherent picture of life's connectedness. The areas of life which interest her may also sometimes seem eccentric, since she may ignore the "normal" concerns of childhood - including what little boys and girls are "supposed" to do according to their sex - in favour of big life issues which many adults try to avoid. Billie has a way of being highly unpredictable because her nature will always move toward the new, the unexplored and the unconventional. Given sufficient understanding and support, this unpredictable turn of mind can develop into a wonderful creative resource. Given too heavy and authoritarian a parental attitude, it could result in really intractable behaviour and a big "chip on the shoulder" which she may carry into adult life.

The need for a group beyond the family

The American poet Walt Whitman once wrote that if he contradicted himself, this was because he contained multitudes within him. This may also be said of Billie, for she has a strong sense of connectedness with other people and is likely to seek to broaden her understanding of them as she grows. This may mean moving - psychologically and perhaps, later on, even physically - some distance away from any enmeshed or emotionally exclusive family bonds. Her deep need for mental stimulus of varied kinds means expanding her outlook as much as possible, and new ideas will always interest her. She would benefit from early exposure to pre-school activities and playgroups, and when she is older she might also enjoy a boarding school or frequent trips abroad to experience other children's lives in other countries. Billie is innately tolerant and interested in people, and this may show itself from an early age in the way she is attracted to unusual playmates and "unsuitable" friends at school. Because her tolerance and curiosity are a gift and not a shortcoming, she should be supported and encouraged in her need to extend her experience of life beyond her family, neighbourhood and social position. Parents who are narrowly class-conscious or prejudiced may feel dismayed at her stubborn refusal to be identified with their own tightly bound values. But parents who can appreciate her real interest in how other people think will offer their love and encouragement to this unusual child who, unlike many adults, can see past the confines of "me and mine" to the basic value in all human beings.

Pursuing the far horizon

This friendly and highly likeable child can also be profoundly restless, and this is an expression of her lively curiosity about life and the wider world. In early childhood this may show itself as a tendency to become very bored very quickly, and to display great enthusiasm and excitement about something one moment only to cast it aside the next. Billie may also develop great enthusiasms about playmates and friends at school, only to find another, more interesting object of affection a week or two later. Although she is not emotionally callous, she has a fickle mind, which in many ways is a very special gift. Her intense interest in life is broad-based and general, and she is likely to learn quickly and show enthusiasm for a wide variety of apparently unrelated subjects. Versatility - perhaps artistically as well as mentally - is also one of her gifts, and she is likely to display talents at more than one thing. But most of all Billie needs constant mental challenges, for she is not well-suited to doing the same thing over and over again. Nor is she suited to silence, for she needs to communicate often and at length. Daily routines may prove a problem, and she may be inclined to simply ignore the heaps of books, papers, objects or clothes piling up in the corner of her room. But her restless and rather disorderly relationship to the mundane world is compensated by the unusual breadth and vitality of her mind and outlook. Because she hates to be bored, Billie will never be boring. In helping her to find the new challenges and explorations she needs, parents and family members may well find their own horizons broadened as well.

A young crusader

Billie's broadening vision of life is combined with a certain aggressive courage which, as she gets older, will make her a natural fighter and champion of others - younger siblings, pets and friends weaker than herself. She is not content to simply think her thoughts and dream her dreams. She is a young crusader in the making, stirring things up partly because she feels strongly about some particular issue and partly because she gets bored easily and simply likes a good battle from time to time. Rather forceful temper tantrums may be fairly common when she is very young, but as she develops these will not be due simply to her not getting something she wants. Because of her innate concern for and identification with others, she will be as likely to have an outburst on someone else's behalf as on her own. This tendency to fight for others will probably become more pronounced as she gets older, and she may display a strong propensity for championing the underdog at school. Billie's aggressiveness is rarely purely self-centred, and for this reason she is likely to be appreciated, admired and looked up to by siblings and friends - although not by the school bully. But she will acquire various crusades as she grows up, and this idealistic fighting spirit needs to be respected and appreciated at the same time that she is helped to learn greater patience and a better spirit of compromise.

A civilised spirit in a small body

Although in the early months of life Billie's needs, like those of any small child, are basic and self-centred, a clear and civilised spirit looks out of her eyes - older than one might expect, and with a precociously expansive vision that sees things others, even the cleverest of adults, may never perceive. There is a little of the mystic in her - a sense that the world is bigger and more complex than at first meets the eye. This sense of largeness in life, although at first purely instinctive and unformed, will gradually reveal itself through her unusually broad and original way of viewing and understanding things. On the most profound level Billie needs to feel connected to life and people in some way, and is therefore likely to outgrow the usual pursuits of the small child quite quickly.

Life will eventually challenge her on the issue of the limits of human nature and the importance of the ordinary. And parents can help her to prepare for this challenge through responding to her everyday needs. But as she grows Billie will never be interested purely in herself and her own self-gratification. The wide world with all its fascinating people, and the magic of how and why things work, may prove far more attractive than any amount of toy soldiers and dolls. Billie can sometimes be intractable and inflexible, and may occasionally appear insensitive to the feelings of individual family members or friends because some bigger issue or concern seems more important. She cannot be counted upon to give unquestioned and unreasoned loyalty to parents whatever they may ask, for she will grow to value truth above personal feelings and will never feel comfortable with everyday human hypocrisy. But at heart she is a civilised and decent human being, still in process of formation yet already graced with that rarest of human gifts - the ability to see beyond herself and her immediate little world and recognise that there is a bigger universe of which she is a part.

A hidden need for stability and roots

Although Billie is in essence a restless and free-flying spirit, nevertheless there is a deep need for stability within her which she may find hard to acknowledge or express. She may often break the rules, but at the same time she secretly depends upon at least some of those rules because they make her feel safe and protected. This internal contradiction could result in her "testing" everyone to see just where the limits are - although this may easily appear to be simply an effort to break down those limits. Thus, while she may at times rebel forcibly against domestic routines and structures, a gentle but firm adherence to the most important and valid of these structures is very necessary for her. She has a secret fear of chaos as much as she fears restriction, and her own volatile and imaginative nature can sometimes make her feel ungrounded and confused. Throughout her childhood Billie will instinctively work toward a balance between her need for freedom and her equally powerful but less conscious need for material security. These two sides of her personality will inevitably collide at times, and therefore she may do a lot of see-sawing before she can establish any sort of creative dialogue between them. Her hidden anxieties will probably take the form of a particularly intense attachment to certain people, pets, loved objects or familiar rituals which provide a sense of stability, even while she is attempting at the same time to generate excitement through the restless pursuit of new interests and contacts. This deep craving for stability and permanence is a very valuable quality. For although it may cause her conflict, it can also provide the substance and motivation which will eventually allow her to build something real and solid out of her ever-fertile and ever-changing dreams.

A paradoxical attitude toward authority

There is a curious paradox at work within Billie which may become apparent to family members long before she recognises it herself. She does not like rules, and from a very early age may react with quite a lot of anger toward the person who imposes those rules - whether this is a more authoritarian parent or, later on, a teacher who places too little emphasis on learning and too much emphasis on discipline and order. Yet, left to her own devices, Billie can be rather authoritarian herself, bossing others about with the same inflexibility which she rebels so strongly against in others. Parents may see something of a "double standard" at work within her, especially visible when she is dealing with younger siblings, pets or school friends who are drawn to her magnetic personality and follow her natural qualities of leadership. She badly needs freedom and the right to express herself as an individual. This may cause her to show a recalcitrant and even contemptuous attitude toward those who make the rules and also those who follow them blindly. Yet within her is a secret envy of those children who "fit" and are always "good", because they seem to her secure and safe within the collective of the family and the social world in which they move. Billie often secretly feels outcast and isolated, despite the great charm and attractiveness of her personality. Parents and family members may be surprised at how painfully she experiences her differentness at the same time that she courts it because it makes her feel special. Sometimes she simply wants to belong and to be part of the "normal" world, although it is difficult for her highly romantic nature to accommodate an ordinary existence. Thus the conflict within her may make her disproportionally angry and disruptive when confronted with even a mild attempt at discipline. Billie needs to be encouraged to understand her inner conflict as soon as she is able to communicate her thoughts and feelings. Both sides of her personality are valuable and important. But at times she will need to learn how to compromise her magical dreams so that her equally strong need for stability can be met - at least in part.

A hidden fear of loneliness

Billie likes to feel different and special, and her originality, intelligence and imagination guarantee that others will acknowledge her as a different and very special child. However, she may sometimes experience bouts of deep loneliness because of that specialness. It is hard for her to feel that she really belongs to any group - not even her family, however loving and supportive they may be. She has an instinctive sense of a separate and individual destiny, and this can be a profoundly isolating experience even for a sophisticated adult who is accustomed to self-sufficiency. Billie is deeply vulnerable to criticism from others - not only from loved ones, but also from teachers and peers who do not really matter to her on any deep emotional level. It is the feeling of being an outsider that is so difficult for her, although her powerful need to express her individuality is something she would not be able to give up even if she wanted to. If the family environment is more conventional and parents feel critical of her unusual breadth of mind and imagination, this insecurity could be exacerbated even further. To compound matters, Billie herself is not likely to turn to loved ones to express her confusion and self-doubt - partly because she is proud and partly because she fears others will not love her if she displays ordinary human neediness. Therefore the best-intentioned parent may not realise how deeply she needs support and encouragement despite her independence of spirit and dislike of emotional intensity. Make sure that you compliment and praise her when she merits it, and never make the mistake of thinking she doesn't need the same kind of reassurance that other, less gifted children do. Billie is indeed special, talented and full of promise. But she also sometimes feels extremely vulnerable and insecure, despite her reluctance to show it.

The strength of feeling vulnerable

Thus Billie's bright and shining spirit, forever seeking far horizons and looking with optimism toward the great adventure of the future, is balanced by an equally important need for the stability and security of a world which will not change and which will be there whenever she returns, successful or not, from her restless wandering. This side of her nature is slower and more deeply conservative than the personality which others see. Billie herself may find it disturbing and attempt to suppress it as she grows up because she fears she will not be loved if she shows such ordinary human vulnerability. Yet it is this dimension of her nature which can best help her to appreciate the value and importance of everyday life. In her impatience to pursue her constantly changing dreams and visions, she may overlook her less conscious but equally fundamental need to preserve a secure base surrounded by the people, places and objects she loves. If she can be encouraged to honour this side of her nature as well as the more obvious gifts of her personality, she will be able to move forward into life with greater balance, patience and the capacity to look after herself as well as into the future. Then the dreams which don't come true will never taint her optimism with disillusionment or bitterness, for she will have made peace with time and the limits of her own humanity.

Another important pair of characters

A child with an honest soul

Billie's nature contains no pretense or evasiveness. From the earliest months of life she will express herself forcefully and directly, whether she is hungry, lonely, angry or loving. She is not inclined to placate in order to get what she needs. She is also perfectly willing to challenge and, if necessary, offend those who offend her. She may sometimes seem deliberately provocative because of her refusal to be "good" simply to please others. Parents should not expect her to collude with any effort to present things as other than what they are, for she is liable to blurt out exactly what is going on just at the moment the family are trying to make the best possible impression on a teacher or a neighbour. An atmosphere of dishonesty or evasion in the home environment will invariably bring the worst out of her, for her way of solving problems is to confront them directly and hammer them on the head. More introverted siblings may sometimes find Billie trying because she can seem overbearing and tactless, prying into their secrets and borrowing possessions without asking first. But it should be remembered that she is not trying to be difficult or provocative. She has a sound, realistic and direct nature which makes it hard for her to play the social games many others find so important. The refreshing and trustworthy nature of her clear perceptions and straightforward manner can be a tremendously positive force within the family - as long as parents and family members are willing to meet it with some honesty of their own.

A quality of inner integrity

Thus Billie's inner integrity springs from her essentially honest and realistic approach to life and to other people. She is not inclined to live in a fantasy-world, but has the gift of finding beauty and pleasure in this world - even if the adults around her can't. She is warm-hearted without being sentimental, and generous without being manipulative. Her directness and energetic nature may sometimes create turbulence and tempestuous scenes, and her strength of will may be formidable. But others are likely to trust Billie because there is nothing false about her. She puts in the shop window exactly what is in the shop, no more and no less, and she may find it hard to accommodate subtler manoeuvrings on the part of siblings, family members or friends. Sometimes a little too earthy and pragmatic, she may display a disturbingly precocious maturity and toughness. She can be very matter-of-fact about other people's failings and has the rare gift of being able to live in the present and find ordinary things worthwhile. Abstract goals and dreams may mean little to her as long as immediate life is pleasing - and consequently overly ambitious parents may be disappointed when Billie shows no inclination to live their unlived lives for them. Her ability to relate to immediate reality gives her a deep capacity for contentment, and as she grows up she is not likely to dissipate her time and considerable energy longing for a world that does not exist.

Secret dreams

Although her nature is a sound and practical one, Billie has many buried dreams and fantasies which sometimes intrude on her ordinary life and provoke restless and discontented feelings. She is secretly far more refined, receptive and imaginative than her outer personality would suggest, but as she gets older she may try to suppress this hidden dream-world because she finds it confusing, strange and disorientating. She may feel threatened by her vulnerability as she grows up, and may try to compensate by an exaggeratedly tough and boisterous manner. And although she will usually come straight out with whatever is bothering her and will not ordinarily stoop to emotionally bribery or placating behaviour, she is far more fearful of being unloved than she is able to admit - even to herself. Her self-confidence may sometimes plunge into darkly doubting and insecure moods which she may find very hard to share. And her imagination, usually disregarded when it comes to dealing with ordinary reality, may sometimes overwhelm her with fantasies of magical places and beautiful people whom she feels she will never be good enough to reach. The secret dreamer and aesthete which lies hidden within her is a very creative and positive element in her personality, for it provides not only sensitivity to others but also a link with a deeper and more meaningful reality. But Billie does not like the feeling that her feet are not firmly on the ground, and may not recognise the value of her inner world. Therefore it is important that parents can appreciate it, for throughout childhood she may need a good deal of encouragement and reassurance as she moves toward integrating these two very different yet equally important aspects of her developing personality.

Recognising finer aspirations

Well adapted to everyday life and confident in her ability to get what she wants from the world, Billie secretly carries a subtle and elusive inner nature full of dreams, fantasies and aspirations which belong to a more glamourous and ethereal realm. Extremely receptive to beauty and full of yearning for an invisible unknown, she may find it hard to acknowledge these dreams because they challenge her essentially pragmatic nature. Therefore she may be slow in revealing her creative talents and intellectual potentials. Frightened of looking a fool, she may prefer to show the rougher face of her personality rather than revealing a sensitivity which she fears will not be wanted or appreciated. Although she would not be happy being cosseted or fussed over like some fragile scion of royalty, nevertheless she deserves as much encouragement as possible in developing the gifts of her mind and imagination. Her refinement and aesthetic sensitivity need expression rather than denigration, and a careful choice of schools might be more appropriate than the simple assumption that what is local is good enough. Even if parents are not so inclined themselves, Billie needs to take her finer aspirations more seriously, so that as she grows up she can enjoy both the ordinary and the extraordinary dimensions of life.

IV. EMOTIONAL NEEDS AND PATTERNS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Satisfy my curiosity!

In keeping with the broad-minded outlook of her personality, Billie's greatest need in relation to others is a sense of mutual respect and mental affinity. Plenty of verbal communication is extremely important for her emotional well-being, so be prepared to talk to her openly, without preconceived ideas of what parents "should" tell their children, and answer even the most embarrassing questions as honestly as possible. Billie is extremely inquisitive about people and may sometimes seem disrespectful of traditional age roles in the questions she asks them - as though parents and grandparents are simply other people just like her friends at school. For her, a sense of happiness in the company of others depends upon finding them interesting and being found interesting in turn. If she cannot experience this sense of lively communication and mutual interest, she may become bored and transfer her attention elsewhere. It may be disturbing if she acts this way toward siblings or family members, although it does not mean she no longer loves them. But she has a remarkable ability to establish a sense of "family" according to mental affinity rather than simple biology, and may find it hard to offer undeviating devotion to family members simply because they are family, if the sense of "like minds" is missing. Always fair and kind to others, she can nevertheless be terrifyingly honest in expressing her need for relationships which are as much of the mind as of the heart.

So deeply important is communication to Billie that she needs it as much as physical affection. her feelings are tempered by a quality of reflectiveness which requires subtler forms of interaction than simple emotional gratification. The surest way to alienate her affections is to subject her to brooding silences or theatrical emotional scenes. Although she is quite capable of displaying a very changeful and explosive temper, it is her way of clearing the air, and once she has vented her feelings there is no grudge or resentment left behind. Highly independent, she needs to feel she can retreat into her inner world or go exploring and know that loved ones trust her to come back again in her own time. She may sometimes seem fickle in her feelings because her interest ebbs and flows, but she is capable of great loyalty - although she may not demonstrate it effusively or on demand. Billie's refined emotional nature requires a good flow of communication with loved ones, for a sense of mental rapport forms the real basis of her sense of security and well-being. However, she can sometimes feel extremely shy and insecure and may make such communication difficult because she withdraws and shuts others out. She may be moody and prone to melancholy, and may also suffer from feelings of intense loneliness - especially if she has been rebuffed in her efforts to communicate. Family members and friends may easily assume she is more emotionally self-sufficient than she actually feels because she is prone to displaying a proud aloofness if she experiences neglect or rejection. It is important that parents do not subject her to cutting criticism or humiliating rebuffs, for she lacks the confidence bounce back from such experiences and will simply assume she is unlovable. If she comes home from school hurt and withdrawn, don't ignore the signs - any social ostracism or rejection matters deeply to her, although she may need to be coaxed into talking about it. Above all, a feeling of being understood matters deeply to Billie, and a free and lively flow of communication with others is essential to her sense of happiness, contentment and emotional security. Lively, intelligent and curious, her inquisitive nature and eagerness to discover everything about those she loves should never be criticised or repressed. Love which is expressed only through dutiful self-sacrifice or intense possessiveness will leave her feeling lonely and burdened. Her understanding of a safe and supportive relationship is one in which people care and are sensitive to each other's feelings but also allow each other breathing space and room to think their own thoughts. Her emotional needs, however intense, will always be tempered by a profound sense of fair play and respect for others' differences, and she quite justifiably expects the same in return.

Special needs in relationship with parents

Seeking inspiration and adventure with the father

Billie looks to her father for inspiration and encouragement to go out and explore life, for she perceives her father as a perennial adventurer who will always be young at heart. No matter that this parent may feel anything but adventurous at times - his daughter's image of him is big, grand, exciting and downright mythic in proportions. Obviously no parent can be dynamic, optimistic and expansive twenty-four hours a day. And circumstances such as domestic conflicts or work pressures may make it hard for Billie's father to feel at all adventurous or to spend as much time with his daughter as both might wish. But it is the quality of the relationship which matters rather than the quantity, and there is great admiration and idealism in her perception of her father. She will always come away from any time spent with him full of new enthusiasm about life, new interests, and a new spirit of optimism and fun. Her father does not have to pretend to be anything he is not, and certainly need not be superhuman to satisfy his daughter's fantasies. But it is important that he takes time to have fun with Billie, taking her to interesting places and sharing his own dreams and hopes for the future with her. Duties and responsibilities may sometimes need to be ignored, for the spirit of hope and enthusiasm which she looks to her father to provide will eventually be internalised and expressed in her own life as she grows up.

She also perceives a great generosity of spirit in her father, even if domestic or work circumstances have caused conflict or separation or if other family members disapprove of her father's behaviour. She may sometimes worry that her father will fly away and leave her one day, for an adventurous spirit is by nature easily bored and restless. But because he is so important to his daughter as a symbol of the ability to grow, progress and take advantage of life's opportunities, it is important that all family members recognise that Billie will continue to idealise and love her father even in the face of criticism or absence. If pressed to turn her back on her father, she will simply hide her feelings from others and eventually from herself - to her own detriment. This important relationship can offer a great deal to Billie's developing confidence and faith in life, and emotional conflicts between parents should never be used as a justification for curtailing the time father and daughter are able to spend together. Nor should she ever be manipulated into betraying her feelings of love and admiration for her father as part of a parental power struggle. Father and daughter need to be able to laugh and be irresponsible together, free of mundane pressures and emotional complications. It is at such times that Billie's father can discover the best face of the eternally youthful spirit within himself, which his daughter - given a chance - will draw out of him. It is this spirit of perennially youthful optimism and resilience that she will later be able to exhibit in her own adult life.

Seeking wisdom from the mother

Even at an early age Billie experiences profound compassion for a woman she perceives not just as "mother" but as a real and fallible human being. She is particularly receptive to her mother's life story - her past, her difficulties, her strengths and her capacity to survive and learn from misfortune - and is likely to display deep curiosity as well as strong empathy for her mother's needs, feelings and aspirations. For this reason it is important that the mother can be honest with her daughter, allowing Billie to see her as an authentic person complete with warts, and not relying on pride or conventional maternal authority to keep her daughter's sometimes unnerving curiosity at bay. At the core of this complex and very special bond is Billie's belief that her mother can teach her about life. She perceives her mother as someone who can offer her real wisdom distilled from real experience, not just sentimental platitudes or conventional generalisations. Thus, apart from the girl's very normal need for affection and comfort, she seeks a mental rapport with her mother which will eventually influence her world-view and philosophy of life as she grows up.

Billie does not need a perfect mother who always gets everything right, nor does she need a parent who has never suffered or made mistakes. The daughter is searching for a level of companionship with her mother which is strangely mature in that her mother is a model for her of all that is most vulnerable in human beings. As she gets older Billie will gradually internalise this image and will experience other people as worthwhile individuals with a history, a range of interesting experiences and a level of suffering or difficulty which merits compassion rather than dismissal or judgement. Billie's mother need never be anyone other than herself, and the less pretense she adopts about herself and her life, the better. If the mother has been through difficult experiences she need never be ashamed of sharing these experiences with her daughter. In many ways Billie wants her mother to be a philosopher who can help her develop a broader view of life through wise insights into the past. This very creative and healing quality in the relationship should never be interfered with because of parental conflicts, for Billie needs to get to know her mother and have plenty of time with her exploring all the big questions about life. Mother and daughter need to interact as two human beings with important things to learn from each other, apart from their conventional parent-child roles.

V. FEARS AND INSECURITIES

The fear of being misunderstood

In keeping with her interest in the world of the mind, Billie has a deep need to communicate. This need is as necessary to her as breathing. As soon as she feels, thinks, perceives or imagines something she must somehow share it with others, and despite any more obvious efforts at self-assertion she secretly relies upon feedback in order to feel secure. However, her need to use others as a mirror for her attitudes and ideas carries with it a fundamental human dilemma of which she is instinctively aware. Billie's gradually developing world-view depends upon others' validation for its formation, and she is as frightened of their judgement as she is in need of communicating. As she gets older she may be reluctant to reveal her innermost thoughts. She worries about being thought stupid, and may seem inexplicably erratic in developing learning and social skills - not because she lacks intelligence but because she is afraid that what she thinks and says will be mocked or harshly judged. She may try to compensate for her anxiety by striving too hard to be articulate and clever, and may protect her vulnerability by retreating into the safe domain of the computer or the written word in order to avoid the dangerous world of human interaction.

Issues may arise around Billie's education. It is important that any problems she might experience at school are not interpreted as a lack of ability. She has more than enough mental acumen. But even if she seems a precocious learner, her deep fear of putting her thoughts and feelings into words may cause her to exhibit a curious lack of spontaneity. The process of communicating is so terribly important to her that her insecurity is in direct proportion to her need. It is therefore vitally important that her home environment is a place where she can enjoy communicating and learning without a constant demand for academic excellence. Too much insistence on high achievement at school could undermine her shaky confidence in herself. Then she will either stubbornly resist the pressure through appearing "slow" or will become too focussed on being clever at the expense of other, equally important sides of her developing nature. It is also important that communication within the family is as free and open as possible. She is highly sensitive to the verbal taboos which occur in so many families, where certain things must never be mentioned and secrets and silences are wielded as a means of retaining authority over inquisitive children. If she is to face her fears with greater confidence she needs to feel that she can express herself without punishment or rejection.

The challenge of human interaction

Billie may develop particular defense mechanisms to assuage her fear that others will mock her or think her stupid. She may develop a false veneer of communicative fluency which is impressive but does not reveal what she really thinks and feels. She may use verbal charm or extreme cleverness to conceal her shyness, so that she fools others as well as herself. She may be academically successful and precociously knowledgeable about all kinds of subjects, but may paradoxically become diffident and withdrawn if called upon to converse with other children at ordinary social events. Language and information may thus become a barricade against, rather than a means of forming, genuine relationships with others. Talking incessantly may be another way in which she defends herself against anxiety, since if others are barraged with a large quantity of verbal material they might not have time to look beneath and discover her secret vulnerability.

Billie may also assume that her difficulties in communicating reflect her complete failure as a person. Parents may need to encourage her to find subjects or hobbies which she can pursue with a sense of pleasure and competence. If she can feel confident in one favourite occupation it will help to heal her underlying fear that she is a failure in a general sense. She has a great fear of appearing foolish in the eyes of others, and may need a good deal of support, reassurance and freely offered compliments when she has done something well. She is also prone to feeling isolated and lonely, and badly needs to share her thoughts with parents and family members who are genuinely interested. Billie is perfectly capable of making the most of her intellectual talents and abilities. But if she has no sense of support from those close to her she may bottle up her hurt and resentment and unconsciously sabotage her own efforts because it is safer to be thought stupid and incompetent than to risk humiliation through trying and failing.

Behind these very personal defence mechanisms lies the profound importance communication and learning hold for Billie's future development. This is the real basis of her fear and understanding it in this way could provide parents with a key for working creatively with her anxieties rather than reinforcing them with anger and disappointment. The world of the mind is a profound mystery for Billie and could provide her with a source of immense joy and wonder as she grows up. But there is a fundamental human dilemma implicit in this issue of learning and communication. The more we strive to understand and share our knowledge, the more subject we are to the influence and power of others' minds - and the less in control we ourselves are. The pen, as the saying goes, is mightier than the sword, and Billie has an instinctive appreciation of the power of words, thoughts and ideas over the lives of human beings.

If family values do not recognise the importance of intellectual development, it may be necessary for parents to consider this dimension of life more carefully if they wish to give Billie the kind of support she needs. Her attitude toward life is serious and deeply inquisitive, and this makes it essential that she is offered a mental diet of something more thought-provoking than soap operas on afternoon television and "There's chicken for dinner" in the evening. As she gets older she may find banal or superficial thinking irritating and isolating, for her perceptions are deep and her ideas inventive and original although sometimes hard for her to articulate. She may also be inclined to periods of reflective silence, and may communicate in imaginative or oblique ways. If so, she needs to be supported in her natural way of communicating rather than being compared with other children. She longs for validation of her very individual way of perceiving and expressing herself. Her fears are not caused by her home environment. They are a unique feature of her individual personality. But the more she is appreciated as she is, the more secure and understood she will feel - and the more readily she will be able to develop and express her gifts as she grows up.

VI. LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE

The fascination of the concrete world

Billie is fascinated by other people, and also has a lively interest in the physical world around her. The bigger world beyond the family environment is especially important to her. She is likely to be endlessly intrigued by how things are made, and will try to connect anything she learns - however imaginative or abstract - with the realities of everyday life. Consequently she may prove most interested and successful in hobbies and studies which can provide practical skills when she gets older. Making things could also prove fascinating to her, and at school she may prefer subjects such as carpentry, crafts and natural sciences - areas where she can work with her hands, experiment and see practical results - to more abstract fields of learning. She likes to have clear instructions and a definite goal, and would do well working with projects which she can pursue independently and at her own rate of speed. She should never be hurried into doing things before she has absorbed and understood what she is dealing with, and too much emphasis on academic achievement may interfere with her pleasure in learning.

Billie may sometimes prefer to work in solitude, for she is inclined to avoid public tests of academic ability which might embarrass or humiliate her. She is afraid of failing and is therefore likely to work terribly hard to get results - provided they are results which she knows lie within her range of abilities. She has a very realistic sense of her own limits, and will do best at school if she is encouraged to make progress at her own rate of speed rather than pressured through being compared with others. Most importantly, her lively curiosity about life means that she will benefit more from useful learning than from academic achievement. It has been said that IQ tests are very good at determining whether a child is good at taking IQ tests - but they cannot measure real intelligence. Billie may do very well academically because she is wise enough to know that one gets further in life that way. But what she most needs is the encouragement to find the path to a useful future where she can make the best use of her abilities in fields which enthuse and inspire her. Such a realistic and human educational approach would make learning a joy for her, not a chore to be done because others require it.

The pursuit of the great adventure

The spirit that lives within Billie is like a bird which will, however beautiful and comfortable its home, sooner or later take flight to seek far horizons - mental or physical or perhaps both. Whatever difficulties she might experience in childhood, and whatever fears she must face and overcome, she has on the deepest level an unquenchable vision of life as a great and inspiring adventure where all difficulties are really opportunities and all futures potentially better than what has gone before. Her capacity for vision and her sense of future potentials will always help her to inject optimism and faith into even the most mundane and limited of circumstances. Thus she will never lose sight of the possible regardless of how limiting the actual may seem. Inevitably she will seek bigger pastures and broader horizons as she grows up, and as she moves into adulthood she will struggle against being circumscribed by one neighbourhood, one group of friends, one set of beliefs or one mundane goal. Any lapses in practical judgement will be more than compensated by an intuition which allows her to turn problems into worthwhile lessons and obstacles into creative challenges. If there is any one thing about Billie which parents would benefit from recognising, it is that her constantly expanding vision of life will never permit her to be contented merely with how things are or have always been. Even in the face of deep emotional attachments and security needs her urge to learn, travel, explore and understand life will always keep her moving forward, and if others refuse to make the inner journey with her she may ultimately leave them behind. Her capacity to find fulfillment in a vocation depends upon whether her chosen direction permits her to expand her mental and physical horizons, for when she reaches one goal she will instinctively begin to seek another. Billie is one of life's intrepid explorers, and those who love her will hopefully never trample on her future dreams.